Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Two words: blizzard sex
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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