a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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