Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
