lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
