i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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