mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
