i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
