she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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