I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
