This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
