booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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