Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
