I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
