In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
