You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
