EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
