so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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