allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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