Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
