what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
