Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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