he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
