Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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