if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
