my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
