and next time when you feel me up, do it right
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
