i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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