Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
