My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
