oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
