I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
