Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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