this beer tastes like vomit already
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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