Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
