I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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