they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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