im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
