and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
