going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
