Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Someone shattered a urinal.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just pee around me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
