my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
