The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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