I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
