Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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