I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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