my sisters under your porch take her home
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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