My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
