we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
