well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Two words: blizzard sex
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