i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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