I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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