guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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