There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
