...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
