Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm like, not good at living.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
